Poolman (2023) Review!!

Synopsis – Follows a hapless dreamer and would-be philosopher who spends his days looking after the pool of the Tahitian Tiki apartment block in sunny LA. When he uncovers the greatest water heist, he does what he can to protect his precious LA.

My Take – Among the most nonsensical debates to appear constantly on social media happens to be around: who is the best among Chris Evans, Chris Hemsworth, Chris Pine, and Chris Pratt? Collectively known as the Hollywood Chrises.

While I would never get into the gist of the argument, as the four leading men have each carved out their own paths from humble beginnings, I surely can pick Chris Pine as probably the most underrated of the lot.

Catapulting to international stardom by playing James T. Kirk in the J. J. Abrams directed Star Trek (2009), and cementing his status in the late Tony Scott directed action thriller Unstoppable (2010), Pine has mainly thrived by playing quirky yet undeniably dashing heroes in the Trek sequels, both Wonder Woman films, and the very charming Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023).

All the while even displaying his range as an actor in smaller films like Carriers (2009), Horrible Bosses 2 (2014), Hell or High Water (2016), and Outlaw King (2018). Arguably, he was also the best part of controversy ridden Don’t Worry Darling (2022).

However, in between and after these few, Pine has also chosen mostly to star in insignificant ventures, disintegrating his overall audience pull. Hence, his directorial debut was already coming off the back of a rather worrying career trajectory.

Sadly, this comedy mystery, which he also co-produced, co-wrote and stars in, only manages to be yet another failed addition to his filmography.

Acting as a satirical take on Chinatown (1974), with layers of The Big Lebowski (1998), the film fails to either thrill or amuse as it constantly struggles to transition between a quirky comedy and a neo-noir. Instead, feeling more like an irreverent gag that got stretched into a 100-minute feature in the hands of someone who could not articulate the material or know what kind of film he had in his hands.

Despite a committed supporting cast, the film is simply marred with poor execution, hazy direction, messy storytelling, and unbearable dialogue, resulting in a disastrous end product.

Sure, the film may attain a cult status among those who enjoy car-crash materials, but ultimately they too will struggle to make it all the way through. Leaving the unanimous advice being that Pine should agree to whatever terms Paramount throws at him and just get back to captaining the USS Enterprise.

Set in Los Angeles, the story follows Darren Barrenman (Chris Pine), a middle-aged pool man and the proprietor of Awesome Aquatics, who lives in a small trailer in an old Tahitian Tiki apartment block owned by parental figures Jack (Danny DeVito), with whom he is working on a documentary, and Diane (Annette Benning), who practices her amateur therapist skills on his anxiety issues.

Valuing meditation, activism, and holding crusader Erin Brockovich as his personal hero, Darren is civically very involved, proving to be a thorn in the side of the local government, demanding improvements of bus routes through dramatic speeches, accompanied by personal anecdotes and poster board displays.

However, his routine life, which includes simple sun bathing and having sex with his older girlfriend Susan (Jennifer Jason Leigh), is interrupted when he has a run-in with the sultry and mysterious June Del Rey (DeWanda Wise), who claims off a local water supply conspiracy involving seemingly corrupt city councilman Stephen Toronkowski (Stephen Tobolowsky), Darren’s nemesis. Leading to the beginning a clumsy investigation with his quirky circle of friends.

Co-written by Pine and Ian Gotler (Doula), the plot is convoluted because it’s hard to follow, only because the script does such a poor job of defining the plot. It is filled with quirky characters, but the director and star have no idea what material they have at their fingertips. Not helping matters is the film’s debt to Chinatown, a towering classic that’s evoked by name several times over. Part of that issue is the dialogue.

There are at least a dozen endless scenes where people talk and argue over each other. These arguments lack style, pacing, wit, clever wordplay, and timing and are not simply funny.

It’s not nice to see any project that has required effort from multiple parties fail, and you’re left wishing you could put it out of its misery to save some face for all concerned. It’s also liable to put you off ever trying your own creative endeavor, lest the well-intentioned results land as abysmally.

It doesn’t help that Chris Pine miscast himself in a part that is so underwhelming and underwritten. He’s trying to stretch beyond his leading man comfort level, and while his roguish charm has been funny before, he’s not able to make Darren anything more than a joke. The film’s only saving grace is the committed supporting cast.

Annette Bening and Danny DeVito make for a charming duo, DeWanda Wise is believable as the fierce femme fatale, while Jennifer Jason Leigh and John Ortiz steals moments. In smaller roles, Stephen Tobolowsky and Clancy Brown shine. On the whole, ‘Poolman’ is an incoherent directorial debut from Chris Pine let down by its absurdist execution.