Worst Hollywood Movies of 2013!!

1. After Earth

Cast- Will Smith, Jaden Smith, David Denman

Director- M. Night Shyamalan

Plot- A crash landing leaves Kitai Raige and his father Cypher stranded on Earth, a millennium after events forced humanity’s escape. With Cypher injured, Kitai must embark on a perilous journey to signal for help.

Our take- After Earth should be retitled After Birth, because that is exactly how sloppy and dirty this pathetic excuse for a film is. The film decided to market itself as a Will Smith film, which was the only way to get people to go because of how silly its plot is. Even the Will Smith fans were let down because all he does is sit in a chair the whole time and speak to his son in an over-serious and unintentionally hilarious monotonous voice. He easily gives his worst performance to date, but it is not quite the worst acting in the film. Jaden Smith gives a Razzie worthy performance as an underdeveloped character with a useless upsetting past and an ear-cringing accent. He whines and makes the most stupid mistakes a film character has ever made in the history, provided by the horrendous Shamylan-Esq screenplay where you can’t tell if its supposed to be funny or not. Will deserves a lot of blame is getting his son these type of roles, which he can’t do and which will eventually make him one of the most laughable actors in Hollywood history. The first couple films he did were just embarrassing but no one has given him the word that he can’t act and apparently no one has seen fit to get him into classes so it’s really just getting worse. Still, Shyamalan didn’t improve the film any as there’s really no drama, no suspense and no tension. It also doesn’t help that the screenplay is full of cliché moments as well as being 100% predictable. I will say that some of the visuals were good but certainly not good enough to sit through this thing. I have been a Will Smith fan since Fresh Prince, but in the last several years his on-screen personae and talents have been severely lacking. It is with no small amount of regret that I must say this is the bottom of the barrel for Smith by producing the worst film of 2013!!

2. The Wolverine

Cast- Hugh Jackman, Will Yun Lee, Tao Okamoto

Director- James Mangold

Plot- When Wolverine is summoned to Japan by an old acquaintance, he is embroiled in a conflict that forces him to confront his own demons.

Our take- What do you expect from a comic based film/ super hero film? Loads of action & a compelling story of our hero, basically a popcorn flick! But what we got here is a whinny tale of a character who is supposed to be an anti hero over events of a previous film which came years ago (2006s Xmen The Last Stand). Now i am a fan of wolverine. But much more than that i am a huge fan of Hugh Jackman. He did try his best to keep this character alive , but this time i am afraid its tipped over the edge. The Wolverine starts off with some really boring sequences, but as a Wolverine/X-Men fan I really thought that soon I was going sit on the edge of my seat. The aggressive Wolverine is about to cut open some hillbilly bear hunters, because they have wounded a bear with a toxic dart. OK, I think, stupid reason to fight, but hey, let’s just have fun and watch this piles of dirt get what they deserve from a real superhero! But a female ninja enters the bar, cuts a chair in half, slice the bottom of a beer-bottle with a magnificent sword, and ends it all before something happens for us to see.. So much for the action for the first half of the film. A viper-woman then drains Wolverine for his powers. When he gets his healing powers back(by pulling his own heart out – this is BTW a cool scene!!), he is beaten/sliced to pieces by a normal man who has trained karate! If he didn’t have his healing power he would be dead by now. Really disappointing to see one of my favorite superheroes, the Wolverine, who stands up to Hulk in the cartoons, be sliced to pieces by a 50 year old man. This was such a bad movie that for the first time in my life I was considering leaving the theater while watching my favorite genre. I regret that I didn’t…I would gladly watch the cheesy X Men Origins Wolverine again, just to get the memory of this out!

3. Jack The Giant Slayer

Cast- Nicholas Hoult, Stanley Tucci, Ewan McGregor

Director – Bryan Singer

Plot- The ancient war between humans and a race of giants is reignited when Jack, a young farmhand fighting for a kingdom and the love of a princess, opens a gateway between the two worlds.

Our take- Another fairy tale retelling bites the dust! This uninspired Warner Brothers release suffers from sketchy characters without charisma, hackneyed storytelling without surprises, and lackluster larger-than-life CGI-effects. Mind you, “Jack the Giant Slayer” is half-baked hokum, but this is the least of its flaws. Apart from being predictable, “Jack the Giant Slayer” relies more on humor rather than suspense. The closest it comes to being suspenseful is when Jack hides in a pond while a giant wades past him. Despite all its violence, “Jack the Giant Slayer” is an immaculate melodrama without a speck of blood. Nevertheless, the villains display no mercy when they plot cold-blooded murder, and neither do the Giants when they snack on humanity like cannibals. Ultimately, “Jack the Giant Slayer” looks like a bad synthesis of “The Princess Bride” and “Clash of the Titans.” Several good actors are squandered, primarily Ian McShane as the King. Nicholas Hoult is appropriately heroic. Eleanor Tomlinson is sorely miscast as Isabelle. Together, this mismatched couple generates little romantic chemistry. Altogether, “Jack the Giant Slayer” amounts to a huge waste of time making it one of the top worst films of 2013.

4. Scary Movie 5

Cast- Simon Rex, Ashley Tisdale, Charlie Sheen, Snoop Dogg & Mike Tyson

Director- Malcolm D. Lee, David Zucker

Plot- A couple begin to experience some unusual activity after bringing their lost nieces and nephew home. With the help of home-surveillance cameras, they learn they’re being stalked by a nefarious demon.

Our take- The only intelligent actor/actress from the entire Scary Movie series is Anna Ferris. You know why I say that, is because she wasn’t in Scary Movie 5. She was smart. I’m not sure exactly what went wrong with this one, but I enjoyed the last 4 a lot more. Given that the 4th one was reaching a new level of stupidity, it was still 10x more funnier than the 5th.The latest installment in the series of lazy spoofs, this film offers virtually nothing to its audience, insulting their intelligence for an hour-and-a-half with perhaps the worst collection of blatantly uninspired and recycled gags ever put to into a film. Enough is enough, this is just insulting. You can easily tell that even the highest paid actors like Charlie Sheen and that chick from Modern Family, put on a massive layer of suck in their roles. Are we all getting that lazy now days that we are going to record ourselves doing a horrible job, posting it to the world, and expecting money to come rolling in? I think the writers of Scary Movie should delete this one, and make a new Scary Movie 5. The next one that comes out will only be watched on DVD.

5. The Lone Ranger

Cast- Johnny Depp, Armie Hammer, William Fichtner & Helena Bonham Carter

Director- Gore Verbinski

Plot- Native American warrior Tonto recounts the untold tales that transformed John Reid, a man of the law, into a legend of justice.

Our take- The movie is a mess. It doesn’t know what it wants to be. Some scenes are extremely violent and then others have over-the-top comedy. There’s no cohesion and a storyline that goes off piste way too often. This movie is such a flop in the hugest way, it saddens me that they spent 250 million dollars to make it. I’m guessing most of this money went to pay the salaries of the actors. This is definitely one of those movies that you will spend the last hour looking at your watch every five minutes waiting for it to end. Don’t get me wrong, I think Johnny Depp is a wonderful actor, but the fact that he keeps accepting roles in these mediocre Disney films simply says that he is a complete sell out. It’s hard for me to discern exactly what stereotype he’s tackling with this oddball incarnation of Tonto, which has all the eccentricity of Captain Jack Sparrow, but only half of the wit. Depp has become another sellout who will take any movie role for X amount of money; there is no artistic integrity involved. Armie Hammer, who I also enjoy, does not have the acting ability to pull off a lead role such as this. He is much better used in co-starring roles such as his role in J Edgar or the Social Network.

6. Oz the Great and Powerful

Cast- James Franco, Michelle Williams, Rachel Weisz, Mila Kunis & Zach Braff

Director- Sam Raimi

Plot- A small-time magician is swept away to an enchanted land and is forced into a power struggle between three witches.

Our take- Once again, Hollywood has come out with another horrific “addition” to the canon of classic children’s stories. This awful prequel should be seen as another blemishment in Sam Raimi’s career as a director. Once again, he’s splattered cheesy special effects all over the screen in an attempt to impress the audience, but skips out on any type of depth of meaning. He still hasn’t figured out that the magic of the movies comes out through the audience becoming engaged with the characters and the storyline, not by being overwhelmed by an over-expansive computer-generated world that looks like its made of plastic. James Franco, who i still dont know how gets movies and Mila Kunis should also be embarrassed by their utter lack of acting in this film. The writing is bad, the acting is awkward, the story is clunky, and what really kills it is the pacing. One second we’re in the early 1900’s and the next we’re in Emerald City. And where is all the stuff we know and love? This movie is now officially my choice for worst fantasy movie ever made!!Oh my eyes!!What have I seen & the worst part is to see the loveable Zach Braff from Scrubs playing a second fiddle & then a Monkey!!WHY???

7. Bullet To The Head

Cast- Sylvester Stallone, Jason Momoa, Christian Slater, Sung Kang

Director- Walter Hill

Plot- After watching their respective partners die, a New Orleans hitman and a Washington D.C. detective form an alliance in order to bring down their common enemy.

Our take- Can you believe this is the second time Stallone starred in a horrible film based on a comic book!I can’t put into words just how bad this film is but let me try. I’ve been a fan of Sly since forever and I always rated him as more than just an action star.The movie has the worst story line I’ve seen in a long time,even for a stallone direct to DVD. Stallone needs to realise the 80s are over he ain’t on top anymore. The worse part of the movie is we laughed when we were supposed to be shocked, and were shocked when I guessed it was supposed to be funny. Boring, warmed-over plots that have done a zillion times before by much better actors. This was Walter Hill’s first directorial effort since Disputed 10 years ago. I don’t say this often, but maybe it is time for Hill to retire. His ideas are stale and his idea of action and comedy are still based in the 80’s. It would be easy to write that Bullet to the Head would be exactly what an audience member will be begging for to spare them the full 91-minute running time.

8. Aftershock

Cast- Eli Roth, Ariel Levy, Nicolás Martínez, Natasha Yarovenko & Andrea Osvárt

Director- Nicolás López

Plot- In Chile, a group of travelers who are in an underground nightclub when a massive earthquake hits quickly learn that reaching the surface is just the beginning of their nightmare.

Our take- Damn it! I was tricked into watching another Eli Roth gore fest! To its credit, the film does start off well & then goes on & on till the earthquake actually happens! & soon after begins Eli Roth presents Torture porn! With a story line like this, it really caters to a very limited audience – those who like to see the worst of human nature come out after a natural calamity. Fans of gore and sadism though may actually enjoy watching this awful film. I am giving it a star only for its final scene, which was well-shot, even though I totally saw it coming.

9. Epic

Cast (Voice)- Amanda Seyfried, Josh Hutcherson, Beyoncé Knowles , Colin Farell & Aziz Ansari

Director- Chris Wedge

Plot- A teenager finds herself transported to a deep forest setting where a battle between the forces of good and the forces of evil is taking place. She bands together with a rag-tag group characters in order to save their world — and ours.

Our take- There is nothing epic about this long & boring animated flick. Epic starts off like all others, the introduction of a family, the family pet and an adventure. Great I thought, but I was let down with the slow build up and out-dated humour & the cliche which kept getting worse with the running time. The visuals like another animated flick now days are top notch. I understand it’s a family film that is trying to be fun for everyone, but back in the days there were animated films that are actually epic and liked by many without cluttering any stale elements that lies amongst this film’s storyline. In the overall picture, it does not fill enough depth, heart, and soul to the story. What’s left to praise is the appropriate epic tone to the action scenes, and a bunch of visuals and ideas that anyone could root for. Epic is a waste of potential for being a real epic or probably a classic.

10. Broken City

Cast- Mark Wahlberg, Russell Crowe, Catherine Zeta-Jones.

Director- Allen Hughes

Plot- In a city rife with injustice, ex-cop Billy Taggart seeks redemption and revenge after being double-crossed and then framed by its most powerful figure: Mayor Nicholas Hostetler.

Our take- A bunch of talented actors came together & decided to bore us to death!The plot and the screenplay are more based like a detective show on the television. Even when it tries to pack some thrill, the plot is so obvious that you can almost make out what has really happened. performances from Wahlberg and Crowe are decent although we have seen better from them. Catherine zeta Jones is absolutely wasted. This film kinda gives a deja vu feeling as it has nothing new to offer! & ofcourse the movie moves at such a slow pace you may end up taking a nap or two!Well I did! Bad film very bad film! If this guy comes up with another film he should have a Broken Neck.

11. Parker

Cast- Jason Statham, Jennifer Lopez, Michael Chiklis

Director- Taylor Hackford

Plot- A thief with a unique code of professional ethics is double-crossed by his crew and left for dead. Assuming a new disguise and forming an unlikely alliance with a woman on the inside, he looks to hijack the score of the crew’s latest heist.

Our take- I have been a fan of Jason Statham (Even though his only successful movie now days is the Expendable series) & Heist based films for a long time & I really wanted to like this movie because I really think Jason Statham has some serious acting skills and he deserves some good scripts. Also the story is based on a book, so it should have been good. Alas, Epic Fail!! And it has almost nothing to do with J-Lo being in the movie. The characters are bland, illogical in almost everything they do, even Parker, the Statham’s character. Worst than that: they are unsympathetic. You have a lot of greedy people, some of them evil, some of them stupid, and apart from them is Parker, who is not greedy, just stupid. He puts everybody at risk for his own principles, he gets beat up and shot a few times and somehow he still walks. It’s like Crank, but without anything fun in it. Could someone actually use this guy in some good movie already? Not you Stallone..not you!!

12. A Good Day To Die Hard aka Die Hard 5

Cast- Bruce Willis, Jai Courtney, Sebastian Koch & Mary Elizabeth Winstead

Director- John Moore

Plot- John McClane travels to Russia to help out his seemingly wayward son, Jack, only to discover that Jack is a CIA operative working undercover, causing the father and son to team up against underworld forces.

Our take- In the early ’80s and ’90s, the “Die Hard” series of films were all about entertainment. Sure it’s not a thought-provoking piece of art, but all was done with class, integrity and fun; these films were made at a time when action films were all about guyies beating up each other & explosions! The series has kept the quotation running for years, even the previous one (Live Free Or Die Hard) was kinda fun. But this one just moves away from all that & decides to go Yippe Ki Yay Lets derail this franchise!! & Why the hell is this almost in Russian language??They went & shot in Russia, I got that! Was this like made for the Russian audience??Bruce Willis plays McClane to a hilt, but that’s all there is. No heartwarming moments, no instances of morality, no deep insights into why he kills his enemies, John McClane is just that. John McClane. A bravado of words and action that homages the earlier films. Still Bruce Willis could hardly have saved the film from it’s mediocre direction. A sincere request to stop any more of such films & let the franchise live happily in the past!

13. Elysium

Cast- Matt Damon, Jodie Foster, Sharlto Copley

Director- Neill Blomkamp

Plot- In the year 2154, the very wealthy live on a man-made space station while the rest of the population resides on a ruined Earth. A man takes on a mission that could bring equality to the polarized worlds.

Our take- Can you believe that this dude made District 9 (2009)? After director Neill Blomkamp’s fantastic debut film District 9 I was understandably eager to see his new sci-fi film Elysium. Unfortunately his second feature doesn’t quite match up with the greatness that was District 9. Matt Damon returned to action after a long hiatus unfortunately his character isn’t anything too special or memorable but he does what he can with it. Visually the film is quite stunning and it has some great cinematography when it comes to the larger shots. The CGI effects are excellent and blend in well with the environment. The Earth of the film looks very gritty, believable and lived-in and the space station Elysium has this very sterile and futuristic look to it. But the story is just average & is portrayed with non existent complexity that the film leaves you with a headache! In the end after all the nonsense was over, the film ultimately left me a bit cold and disappointed.

14. R.I.P.D

Cast- Jeff Bridges, Ryan Reynolds, Mary Louise Parker & Kevin Bacon

Director- Robert Schwentke

Plot- A recently slain cop joins a team of undead police officers working for the Rest in Peace Department and tries to find the man who murdered him.

Our take- What do you say about a film, which is disowned by its cast & producers?Yea that bad! Inspired by a limited series of comics, this film turned out to be the MIB we never wanted. We could just swap the leads & instead of the aliens get the supernatural, we will get the same movie! The film gets lost in the action and special effects, and the potential comedy doesn’t get the focus it deserves.Its sad to see talented actors hamming all the way through this!

15. The Last Exorcism Part II

Cast- Ashley Bell, Julia Garner, Spencer Treat Clark

Director- Ed Gass-Donnelly

Plot- As Nell Sweetzer tries to build a new life after the events of the first movie, the evil force that once possessed her returns with an even more horrific plan.

Our take- The 1st one was not a great film, but highly entertaining & creep fest! The sequel most importantly deviates from the found footage format, which made it fun in the 1st place. Dont go by the name this is no horror film, but swings between a coming of age story of girl entering puberty..like seriously..after giving birth in the 1st film! & a mystery thriller! This film is so bad it puts all films with the name “exorcism” in its title to shame!

16. Machete Kills

Cast- Danny Trejo, Alexa Vega, Mel Gibson, Lady Gaga, Jessica Alba, Charlie Sheen, Cuba Gooding Jr, Amber Heard, Sofía Vergara & Michelle Rodriguez

Director- Robert Rodriguez

Plot- The U.S. government recruits Machete to battle his way through Mexico in order to take down an arms dealer who looks to launch a weapon into space.

Our take- The 1st installment was kinda harmless fun & entertaining on many accounts. But this one goes way above its head & gets preachy for no good reason. With such a huge cast to its name instead of sticking to the harmless fun part it clings on to be rather more stupid!

17. Hell Baby

Cast- Rob Corddry, Leslie Bibb, Alex Berg

Director- Robert Ben Garant, Thomas Lennon

Plot- An expectant couple who moves into the most haunted house in New Orleans call upon the services of the Vatican’s elite exorcism team to save them from a demonic baby.

Our take- So, what can I say about this. The jokes that were in Haunted House and Scary Movie 5 are pretty much repeated again here. Some of the jokes go on a little too long while others are funny at first but begin to tire after the repetition. It is hard to say too many bad things about this because the cast is funny and really carry the movie for as long as they can but like the other two movies I mentioned it can’t sustain laughs the entire time. As a result the movie goes from Alright to bad to terrible. This is a movie that would be better watched in twenty minute segments rather then all at once Or else better to hunt down the directors & shoot them at gun point.

18. Getaway

Cast- Ethan Hawke & Selena Gomez

Director- Courtney Solomon

Plot- Former race-car driver Brent Magna is pitted against the clock when his wife is kidnapped by a mysterious villain. He commandeers a young woman’s car and takes her on on a high-speed race against time.

Our take- The film does start on a high note, but ends up being a nothing but but a nauseating noisy mess! Everyone loves a good car chase. You won’t find one in Getaway though. All the chase scenes are nothing more than a nauseating rapid succession of very brief cuts. It’s literally impossible to get a wider picture and understand of what is going. Many scenes could have been quite impressive if they had just been shot at a wider angle and held a longer frame. This does not happen once though. The breakneck speed at which the cuts are made just doesn’t allow the chase to flow and is frustrating to watch. How can one appreciate what’s happening when they can’t even see what’s happening? Ethan Hawke is doing some good if not quality work in the past few years, but with this all love is lost! Selena Gomez is for no reason trying to hard, she is not even needed in the movie! Man I gotta headache again just by talking about this crap fest!

19. The Host

Cast- Saoirse Ronan, Max Irons, Jake Abel & Diane Kruger

Director- Andrew Niccol

Plot- When an unseen enemy threatens mankind by taking over their bodies and erasing their memories, Melanie will risk everything to protect the people she cares most about, proving that love can conquer all in a dangerous new world.

Our take- This film has one of the most coolest concepts relating to Alien Abduction & does have a few awesome VFX moments. But alas what do you expect when this movie based on the book series created by the author of Twilight series, weird love, confusions & an of course there has to be a triangle love story. Blah!! why Saoirse Ronan…why???

20. Phantom

Cast- Ed Harris, David Duchovny & William Fichtner

Director- Todd Robinson

Plot- The haunted Captain of a Soviet submarine holds the fate of the world in his hands. Forced to leave his family behind, he is charged with leading a covert mission cloaked in mystery.

Our take- The film’s interesting premise & the trailer misguides into believing this is a mystery film. Infact this film portrays how a real life incident becomes a joke on screen! Widely similar to Air Force One & Hunt For Red October, this films trying so hard to be smart & emotional & turns out to be unintentionally funny. Damn, this was bad especially the worst climax ever!

21. Killing Season

Cast- Robert De Niro, John Travolta & Milo Ventimiglia

Director- Mark Steven Johnson

Plot- Two veterans of the Bosnian War — one American, one Serbian — find their unlikely friendship turn tense with one of them reveals their true intentions.

Our take- Its heart breaking to see two veterans & once superstars running around the jungle acting like 10 years old. This movie is just plain stupid!l Like why soo stupid??

22. The Factory

Cast- John Cusack, Dallas Roberts & Jennifer Carpenter

Director- Morgan O’Neill

Plot- An obsessed cop is on the trail of a serial killer prowling the streets of Buffalo, N.Y. but when his teenage daughter disappears, he drops any professional restraint to get the killer.

Our Take- A good serial killer based films are a rarity now days, good films like Se7en seem long ago. Well you should watch this move to know why!! Interesting plots with idiotic screenplays & spoil sport endings are the reasons. This films add to that crap list I need not say more.

23. Dark Skies

Cast- Keri Russell, Jake Brennan, Josh Hamilton & J.K. Simmons.

Director – Scott Stewart

Plot- As the Barret family’s peaceful suburban life is rocked by an escalating series of disturbing events, they come to learn that a terrifying and deadly force is after them.

Our Take- Agreed we have seen our fair share of Alien abduction films, but that doesnt mean they all are bad. Well, this was is not bad but terrible!!..especially coming from the makers of Insidious. The film does have his moments, with Keri Russel doing justice to her role, but still the whole builds up leading to an event which leads to a cliffhanger..Like why???..Hmmph!!

24. Stoker

Cast – Mia Wasikowska, Nicole Kidman & Matthew Goode

Director- Chan-wook Park

Plot – After India’s father dies, her Uncle Charlie, who she never knew existed, comes to live with her and her unstable mother. She comes to suspect this mysterious, charming man has ulterior motives and becomes increasingly infatuated with him.

Our Take – Chan-wook Park has been a well know director in the Korean Cinema (Old Boy), but with his English language debut was supposed to be more exciting. Instead what we get is a trying to hard to be a creepy girl & how she is attracted to her uncle.Yawn!This was a bore fest!

25. Paranoia (2013)

The Cast – Liam Hemsworth, Gary Oldman, Harrison Ford & Amber Heard.

Director – Robert Luketic

The Plot – An entry-level employee at a powerful corporation finds himself occupying a corner office, but at a dangerous price: he must spy on his boss’s old mentor to secure for him a multi-billion dollar advantage.

Our Take – MAN!!How stupid do they think the audience is??. This movie is bad from the word go. It tries so hard to be a smart thriller but instead looks like they were making a fool of themselves by pretending. Liam Hemsworth does not have the charm or the acting chops of his older brother, this movie confirms it!. Harrison Ford & Gary Oldman, you two have been working for so long, but you still cant differentiate like why??..Amber Heard..well she is hot!!..

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